Yesterday The Twincesses and I had a playdate with a fave momma friend of mine, her toddler son, and her 9 month old daughter. During our playdate my friend asked me if I ever spank The Twincesses, and how I discipline them. This got me thinking that maybe a lot of other momma’s are having doubts, concerns, or questions when it comes to discipline, so I thought I’d share how I discipline The Twincesses. Disclaimer, I am NOT a childcare expert, I’m just winging this whole mom thing…
For the most part in order to discipline, I use the time out method. The offender has a time-out for as many minutes as their age, in my case, 2 minutes because The Twincesses are two. For their time-outs they either have to sit beside me on the floor, on their time-out stool, or go into their highchair and face the wall. I don’t do time-outs in their beds because they love their beds, and I don’t want to make them associate their beds with punishment, which would likely make bedtime an even more hellish ordeal!
If we’re in public and one of the girls does something very bad,-like when Peyton snuck out of the mall play area and ran away, halfway across the mall, I do discipline them. For this serious offense after I recovered from my heart attack, I put Peyton into her stroller, where she had to sit while Aubrey got to continue playing.
When time-outs don’t work, and spankings aren’t warranted my other punishment is taking toys away temporarily. This seems to work pretty well for the most part because The Twincesses are very attached to certain toys.
Do I spank The Twincesses? Yep, I spank them on occasion, when the offense is something that I deem to be fairly serious. In fact, I did this today to Aubrey, who bit Peyton very hard on her right arm, after doing the same thing yesterday to her left arm. Poor Peyton now has very red, full sets of teeth marks on each arm! Yesterday, Aubrey got a time out for the offense, which clearly didn’t work because she did it today, and left very deep marks AGAIN, so, I gave her lil tushy a spank, and explained to her that we don’t bite.
Am I wrong to spank my toddlers? Some people may think so. Do I care what other people think? Not even a little bit! I am not beating my children, and spanking is used for the most serious of offenses, and as a last resort.
To me there are a few things that I consider when disciplining The Twincesses
The “punishment” should fit the “crime”.
Spanking should be done carefully, with extremely little force. I never want to leave a mark or bruise on my girls, nor do I want them to be crying and in pain for a long time. I’m not a monster!
How mad/upset am I? If I’m too mad I find that I sometimes need to leave the room to cool off for a moment and either have Hubby discipline if he is home, or return after calming down, and then disciplining. This has only happened a handful of times. To me this is important so that I don’t lose my cool, and to ensure that I am disciplining to teach, and correct, rather than out of anger and frustration.
Was this an accident? I don’t believe in disciplining for accidents, I instead try to talk to The Twincesses and explain the situation to them in a way they can understand.
I also follow up everytime I discipline The Twincesses by talking to the offender, explaining why what they did was wrong, how it made me feel, how it made the other person involved feel (if applicable) , and have them apologize to me, and/or the other person. I also give them a hug, kiss and tell them that I love them, because I would never want The Twincesses to feel that just because they did something wrong that Momma doesn’t love them.
When it comes to discipline every parenting style is different. Every child is different. Every situation is different. What is too severe when it comes to disciplining? What’s not enough? This is something that only you as the parent can determine, and it will take a while to figure out what strategy works best for you and your lil monsters.
Do you have any strategies or advice when it comes to disciplining your kiddos? I’d love for you to comment with any tips or suggestions below!